Jumpers & Sweatshirts
Folk, Jazz and Orchestral
Hoping to study Architecture in the UK.
Deciding to work objectively and do my best in whatever ways I can.
For the first time, I’m going to have faith and just go for it. I’ve always tried too hard to perfect everything that if I continue to do things that way, I’m probably not going to make it even.
Take a leap of faith.#overthinking #faith #application #15 #deadline #uni #optimism
The proposed Kežmarské Hut by architecture firm Atelier 8000 reimagines the typical lodge as a cube that’s been rotated onto one of its corners. This concept was created for an international competition aimed at designing a building for the High Tatra Mountains of Slovakia.
Worrying is a waste of time. Good and bad things happen in life, you just have to keep living and not stress over what you can’t control.
I didn’t expect myself to burn out so quickly and easily. It’s annoying and it’s frustrating but I’m doing my best to not whine and complain because if others can manage the pressure, I have to keep pushing too.
There’s so much to learn on the job and it’s complicated because while you are learning the technicalities and gaining new knowledge, you are also required to manage the customers and any grave mistake can easily get you stuck in the mud. My own high expectations to succeed ain’t helping. And I’m extremely bad at communicating with people.
I love my family but sometimes I wish I could just be alone and I get really annoyed whenever I hear the slightest of negativity from my mom. I just wish for peace and quiet when I’m home. For some awful reason, I’m as good as trying to avoid the family responsibilities and just wished to be left at peace until the submission is over.
Blame it on my lack of discipline and overzealous mindset but I’m very unproductive at times and it just irks the crap out of me. I’m starting to believe that I will miss the scholarship deadline and that’s not very ideal. It’s not helping either when sometimes I get caught up in the negative thinking and things just go downhill from there.
I will probably explode if I don’t hold myself well together. My thinking were probably wrong, morally and value-wise but I’m probably just caught up with the stress and pressure.
I’ve been through the worst in Poly and I refuse to go back to that same state. I simply refuse.
It was a dark time, that whole defeatist attitude and negativity, as I dug myself a hole so deep that no one was able to reach out to me at all.
I know I have gotten better since and even now, I’m still fighting past all the anxiety and negative overthinking. Plus, I don’t even tell anyone about it, because at the end of the day, nobody really gives a shit. It’s your own shit you’re dealing with.
So, do yourself a favor and get your shit together and keep going. You are doing better than you think you are.
It doesn’t matter how slow you go, just don’t give up. Nothing worthwhile comes easy and things will just get tougher and may even last longer. Think in the long run and tell yourself, all that you’re doing now will be worth the effort in the future. Suffer now and have the last laugh.
I can’t believe I just pep-talked myself.
Time to get going.#17 #overthinking #submission #application #rant #optimism
Time is passing way too fast. I need to push on.#overthinking #22 #submission #university #optimism
Here’s to the crazy days ahead and the impossible that people say.
The challenge to myself, at the moment, is to be able to submit my application in 32 days time. As of now, the only way forward is to push on and negate all the negativities.
On a positive note, I’ve pretty much listed down how many final products I will be submitting and for now it’s roughly 19-20 pieces.
As long as you want it badly, you will do whatever it takes to get it.
Let’s do this.#overthinking #rant #university #woes #worries #submission #application #optimism
27 / 26.
This week has been horribly unproductive since Monday. Half of me is in distress and the other half is practically too tired to give a damn.
Dozing off at work isn’t a good thing either, but at the moment I can’t give a shit. Coming home has been extremely distracting, I wished I could just have my own room to minimize the distractions and just be anti-social for this last month so everything will go smoothly.
Fuck it. I’m going to submit no matter what happens. I can’t let all these shit and all the hard work go to waste.
I’m gonna make it#overthinking
I’m running out of time so badly, and I’m freaking tired.
Have to keep pushing forward no matter how tired I am though.
As Eric Thomas puts it, “You’re already in pain, get something out of it!”
PS. I just wanna give myself a pat on a shoulder for coming so far, for constantly pulling myself out of the depressive and negative mindset whenever I fall into one. You are no longer that same dude who was a defeatist. You are better than that. This is the final lap, do your best and push through :)#overthinking #28 #panic
I sometimes wonder if being brought up in Singapore was a good or a bad thing. Don’t get me wrong, I feel grateful for having to live in such a safe country.
But being in the same spot for 22 years just deepens my desire to venture the world and do the things I really yearn to learn about. I am just a impractical dreamer living in a land full of realists who are working hard for themselves, just to earn a living, buying their own houses and raising kids.
I don’t hate the fact that I have to work hard. In fact, if anything, I’m a workaholic. I love doing work, and let me reemphasize that work that you enjoy will NEVER be work. It’s just sometimes I’m not necessarily the smartest person around.
I just hate the fact that I’ve never put myself in a better position to get to places I wanna go and do the things that I’ve always wanted to do. At the very least, I’m working hard now. At the very least, I can feel the slight change in myself and most of all my confidence in being myself.
I hope I’m getting there, as slow as it may be, at least I’m not stagnant.
Someday, I will write better, more personal words.
Someday, I will see as much of the world as I possibly can.
Someday, I will make an impact on someone’s life.
Someday, I will feel comfortable in my own skin without ever having to subject myself to the opinions of others.
Today, I’m going to take that same step forward and just keep trying. Failing is fine, just don’t give up and never stay stagnant.#overthinking #dreams #ambitions #aspiration #thoughts
I think a lot about the worse possible scenarios and it terrifies me so much.
Like I’m not good enough, I’m not talented enough, I’m not being myself. It drives me nuts because I will look back and think that all my hard work was meant for nothing.
That, to me, is the worse ever situation to be in. I hope it doesn’t happen, at least not now.
I guess sometimes I’m sick and tiring of hearing about originality and creativity and it just makes me so sick in the stomach. I will end up thinking that I do not fit the bill and that I’m just wasting my time.
Because it makes you feel like everything you had ever believed in were lies. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling to be going through.
Oh well, life.#Overthinking #rants #worries #college #application
Self-doubt is just so poisonous. But I’m at a stage where I refuse to let it ruin me.
I guess, so what if people say I can’t make it?
I don’t time to be worrying about these kinda stuff anymore. All I know is that if I don’t try, I’ll never know and this is my life and dreams I’m chasing, why should somebody be telling me I can’t do something?
If I really want to do something, I will work my ass off for it.
I hate it when somebody tells you that you can’t do something. I hate it.
So yes, I’m just gonna do my best and hopefully everything plays out right.#overthinking #positive
I’m still not where I want to be yet. I know that feeling of underachievement, it’s way too familiar - the shed tears, frustration and overwhelming sense of self-defeat.
I’ve never wanted anything so badly until I was 19. It took me that long and even now I’m still learning and figuring things out. My goal is a simple one, to be honest, at times overwhelming because of my need for things to be perfect.
As simple as my current goal may be, it is important to me because it would be my ticket to the world, that is how much I believe in it.
The harsh truth about life is that as we grow older, the responsibilities and practicalities of life slow us down and ground us. For the dreamers and idealists, it can be easy to be swayed and talked out of the things we want to achieve in life, as impossible as they may seem at times.
That’s my worst fear, to lose that sense of wonder and idealism. Eventual death only reaffirms the things you had regretted not doing, perhaps that’s why we fear death.
Life has been kind to me in certain ways, but that’s not to say I have not went through hardship along the way.
I ventured into my studies by chance, and my interest peaked at the moment I realized the existence of my dream universities. Then it went downhill from there with my new obsession and eventually, my failure on the biggest stage in my tertiary education. It was the most depressing moment in my life thus far.
Things in my personal life weren’t that great either, I distanced from close friends and emotionally it was tough. I went into army with a mindset that I will do my best and I did just that. I wasn’t the best or the fittest, but I would say I put my heart into what I did and I made good friends throughout the 2 years, friends whom I will treasure for years to come and we will be sure to attend each other’s wedding.
If I were to look at it now, I am surprised that even till now, I am still stubbornly holding onto my ambitions and dreams. I don’t know if I will achieve them but I know I’m doing my best to get there.
I guess what I want to do now, is to write more, to reflect better and to know myself better. To live it, to breathe it, to eat it, to embody it and eventually make it part of me.
The daily routine of life and the hectic lifestyle has been draining me slowly and that’s not what I want. I don’t ever want to lose myself in the midst of surviving through every day. As Les Brown puts it best, it’s committing spiritual suicide.
Life will get better as long as I feel better instead of bitter. Yes, it will.#overthinking #ambition #thoughts #optimism #dreams #goals #37 #infp #adapt #life
So… my virgin experience with a symphony orchestra.
It was alright, probably not the best venue with an open space but since admission is free, why not?
Anyway, I got pretty burned out last couple nights I ended up sleeping them off. My friend is right, in a way, that I should’ve quit my job but that would have meant that I shouldn’t have accepted it in the first place.
Either way, that’s no point in whining since I’m only going to end up losing more time. Worst of all, next weekends will be horribly packed. I better brace myself for more midnight oils to be burnt.
As much as my lifestyle has been horribly unhealthy, I have to tell myself that everything will work out in the end. Positivity over negativity.
DAY 38 (+10)#Overthinking #rants #tired #thoughts #dreams #never give up #38
I pasted this above my desktop a few days ago.
It’s always nice to be able to look up and remember your ambitions. I think, at times, I fear change. I have a mental model of who I want to be and I never want to lose that sense of self, despite what others may say about change being the only constant.
It’s difficult to digest and explain my thoughts now. I guess I will do it tonight because I’m kind of busy now. 39 (excluding 10 buffer days) left till my submission, I still have loads to do but not much left in my tank.
Either way, I can’t give up.#overthinking #thoughts #ambitions